From:Donna Li Gao |
Created: Jul 28 2008, 03:59 am
I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.
The old believe everything, the middle-aged suspect everything, the young know everything.
Those whom the gods love grow young.
In America the young are always ready to give to those who are older than themselves the full benefits of their inexperience.
Mere colour, unspoiled by meaning, and unallied with definite form, can speak to the soul in a thousand different ways.
The imagination imitates. It is the critical spirit that creates.
There is no such thing as an omen. Destiny does not send us heralds. She is too wise or too cruel for that.
Children have a natural antipathy to books--handicraft should be the basis of education. Boys and girls should be taught to use their hands to make something, and they would be less apt to destroy and be mischievous.
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.
The past is of no importance. The present is of no importance. It is with the future that we have to deal. For the past is what man should not have been. The present is what man ought not to be. The future is what artists are.
There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.
There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating--people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.
If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life.
The liar at any rate recognizes that recreation, not instruction, is the aim of conversation, and is a far more civilised being than the blockhead who loudly expresses his disbelief in a story which is told simply for the amusement of the company.
Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious. Both are disappointed.
When a woman marries again it is because she detested her first husband. When a man marries again, it is because he adored his first wife. Women try their luck; men risk theirs.
Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.
Men always want to be a woman's first love. That is their clumsy vanity. We women have a more subtle instinct about things. What (women) like is to be a man's last romance.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
Lord Illingworth: All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. Mrs. Allonby: No man does. That is his.
The basis of optimism is sheer terror.
One's past is what one is. It is the only way by which people should be judged.
When the gods wish to punish us they answer our prayers.
He must have a truly romantic nature, for he weeps when there is nothing at all to weep about.
How strange a thing this is! The Priest telleth me that the Soul is worth all the gold in the world, and the merchants say that it is not worth a clipped piece of silver.
The truth is rarely pure and never simple.
Moderation is a fatal thing... Nothing succeeds like excess.
To regret one's own experiences is to arrest one's own development. To deny one's own experiences is to put a lie into the lips of one's life. It is no less than a denial of the soul.
I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
It is through Art, and through Art only, that we can realise our perfection.
Most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it is too late that the only things one never regrets are one's mistakes.
I put all my genius into my life; I put only my talent into my works.
It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
He was always late on principle, his principle being that punctuality is the thief of time.
From:Donna Li Gao |
Created: Jul 28 2008, 03:58 am
As Oscar Wilde once said: ��?Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship��?. Is that love? Is there the possibility of platonic relationships between men and women? We believe it's a very rare phenomenon. Such friendship is impossible within a sexual relationship. The truth is for male at least, that they can't be just friends, there is always something more between them and their women-friends, some kind of desire.
As we know from the science of physics, both pluses and minuses attract each other. So, the same thing is between men and women. And this is quite natural phenomenon. But on the other hand, men and women between themselves have a physical flaw, which stops them of being more than friends, at least most of them, we always have exceptions, but those are still a minority. In reality a man is the compliment of a woman, and vice-versa. But there are still other kinds of possibilities, I mean when there's no physical attraction, in such case such friendship is possible. But everything depends on the way we look at friendship!
As you see, there is no real friendship between men and women (unless they have too much difference in age). Maybe some women would say, for example: “I have some male friends, to whom I feel just friendship��?. Seemingly, it could be true, but in reality, it's not. Why? It is because the friendship between a man and a woman always inevitably has the possibility (or potentiality) to develop into either love or hatred (or sometimes jealousy). As far as that possibility will not come true in practice, they might sometimes erroneously believe in the existence of true friendship.
这三段是三个理由。每段大约100多字。说没友谊的。 下面是有友谊的。也是每一段都是一个理由。 I truly believe it is possible for a man and a woman to be very good friends without sex getting in the way, I do because I have a few female friends and I have never thought about them in a sexual manner. However, I also believe it is possible that at some point or other of the friendship one or both may start having these kind of thoughts and so friendship may (or may not) cross over the "sex line". This has also happened to me (once only) and it's not nice (even if you are corresponded) because it can complicate things (especially if one or both already have a partner). So you are left with the choice of carrying on being "just friends" which is what I've chosen, or taking it that step further or losing the friendship and touch altogether. Sad but can happen. I see it as one more of the many risks life presents us with. As the human mind is very complex, it's very difficult to control one's feelings (not to say impossible) but it is very possible to control one's actions, that's what's important. Once you do that (control your actions) it'll be easier (or at least less painful) to control the feelings which, sometimes, seem to have a mind of their own.
Men are only friends with women because of their (usually vain) hope that something more will become of it... women, OTOH, are well-aware of this and use it as the proverbial carrot on a stick to obtain favors and to use men as "emotional tampons". Thus, a parasitic, not a symbiotic relationship (with women being the parasites, since they derive most if not all of the benefits from a so-called 'friendship' with men.) Men throughout the ages knew this well...only in modern times, with the advent of feminism, has the truth been forgotten (or more properly, suppressed), but men are now quickly awakening to the realization that they have been "bamboozled, hoodwinked and led astray", and are Going Their Own Way. Well, I think that it's possible have a good relationship between a man (I'm a woman). In fact I think is better have a man as a friend that a women. You can tell him watever thing and he never will feel jealously of you. Between woman there is competition.
THE JOY LUCK CLUB A film review by James Berardinelli Copyright 1993 James Berardinelli
Rating (Linear 0 to 10): 8.4
Date Released: 9/24/93 (limited); 10/1/93 (general) Running Length: 2:19 Rated: R (Language, mature themes, violence)
Starring: Ming-Na Wen, Tamlyn Tomita, Lauren Tom, Rosalind Chao, Kieu Chinh, Tsai Chin, France Nuyen, Lisa Lu Director: Wayne Wang Producers: Wayne Wang, Amy Tan, Ronald Bass, and Patrick Markey Screenplay: Amy Tan and Ronald Bass based on the novel by Amy Tan Music: Rachel Portman Released by Hollywood Pictures In English and Chinese with English subtitles
The Joy Luck Club, as stated in the movie's opening narrative, is a collection of four aging Chinese women bound together more by hope than by joy or luck. The four women--Suyuan (Kieu Chinh), Lindo (Tsai Chin), Ying Ying (France Nuyen), and An Mei (Lisa Lu)--came to America many years ago to escape China's feudal society for the promise of the United States' democracy. Now, however, Suyuan has died and the three surviving members of the club invite her daughter June (Ming-Na Wen) to take her place. June belongs to the "new" generation, those of Chinese heritage who grew up speaking English and learning American customs. Also of roughly the same age are Waverly (Tamlyn Tomita), Lindo's daughter; Lena (Lauren Tom), Ying Ying's daughter; and Rose (Rosalind Chao), An Mei's daughter. It is around these eight figures that the stories of THE JOY LUCK CLUB revolve, telling of the varied difficulties and tragedies involved in these mother/daughter relationships.
Co-writer Ronald Bass (who, along with Amy Tan, adapted from Tan's novel) says that there are sixteen separate stories in THE JOY LUCK CLUB. Since I didn't count, I can't verify this statement, but it sounds about right. Taken as a whole, all of these vignettes combine to lend greater meaning to the whole. THE JOY LUCK CLUB is the sum total of its parts with common themes giving solid grounding and greater resonance to the overall film. As Bass comments, "I saw all the mothers' and daughters' stories as facets of the same experience. Put together, they formed a mosaic. That's the genius of the book, and if we cut it down to just a couple of stories it would be like any other movie."
The stories are not told in such a manner as to seem pared down or truncated, nor is their presentation confusing, thanks to a cleverly- orchestrated framing scene with the principal characters gathered together. However, it is apparent that a lot more could have been told, and we're left wondering about all that we didn't get to see. The characters are mostly well-developed, but it's tantalizing to consider just how much fuller some of them could have been with a different plot structure. But there are always sacrifices to be made, and no movie can tell everything about the lives of the people it introduces.
One of the themes of SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE is that there are some "guy movies" and some "chick movies." If this is true, then THE JOY LUCK CLUB fits into the latter category. Certainly, a tear-jerker like this is likely to find more open acceptance among women than among men. That's not necessarily because men won't like it, but some will be too embarrassed to admit that they enjoyed something as emotional as this. In fact, there are those who may refuse to see it to avoid this possible dilemma altogether.
Nevertheless, there will be a group of people who will genuinely dislike THE JOY LUCK CLUB, and I can't say that their reasoning is entirely flawed. The movie has a few moments that can justifiably be described as cloying and manipulative, and those who are offended by these methods are going to become annoyed at THE JOY LUCK CLUB. Die-hard cynics are advised to stay clear.
What the aforementioned people have missed, however, is that the scenes that don't work are far fewer in number than those that do, and most of these can easily be overlooked in piecing together the overall intent of the motion picture. Few movies are without at least a problem or two, and it's more difficult to put together a flawless production when going for the emotional payoffs that this film does.
THE JOY LUCK CLUB is clearly--perhaps too clearly--an adaptation of a book. The dialogue is often too poetic to be real, and the story too clearly plotted to be acceptable as anything more than an imperfect reflection of the world we live in. I hasten to add that this is not a bad thing, but it is evidence that this movie, through its willingness to loosen the strings of realism, expects a certain suspension of disbelief from the audience.
Personally, I never identified with any of the characters, but I became involved in their stories. That is to say, never did I make a connection between something in my own life and what I was seeing on screen, but that in no way diminished the impact of what was being presented. I venture to say that many women, especially those who have had tempestuous relationships with their mothers or daughters, will have an entirely different viewpoint.
The line between drama and melodrama is a fine one, and most of THE JOY LUCK CLUB successfully navigates the tightrope, staying on the more powerful dramatic side. There are times when it slips and comes across as heavy-handed. You know something isn't right when it becomes apparent that certain lines of dialogue and character actions are trying desperately to make you, as a member of the audience, shed a tear. Whether or not these incidents do what they're trying to is another matter entirely....
Wayne Wang, whose best-known previous film was DIM SUM, shows significant ability in the way he has structured this movie. He has an excellent and believable cast working behind him, including a number of virtual unknowns (France Nuyen and Rosalind Chao being exceptions).
The characters are THE JOY LUCK CLUB's real strength. Many are played by more than one actor (as children then adults, for example), but all changes are smooth and seamless. It's as easy to accept a little girl as Waverly as it is the beautiful, sophisticated-looking Tamlyn Tomita, and that's because the characters transcend the performers portraying them.
It's fascinating and satisfying the way that the diverse threads are knitted together into a single tapestry. Some might complain that this movie is a downer, but those who do, fail to recognize that THE JOY LUCK CLUB's message is one of hope, and that catharsis and emotional fulfillment often come through tragedy. Sure, a lot of bad things happen during the course of this film, but at the end, the tears are of happiness and new beginnings, not loss.
Pronounced: PAWL (English), POL (French), POWL (German)[key]
From the Roman family name Paulus, which meant "small" or "humble" in Latin. Saint Paul was an important leader of the early Christian church, his story told in Acts in the New Testament. He was originally named Saul, but changed his name after converting to Christianity. Most of the epistles in the New Testament were authored by him.
Due to the renown of Saint Paul the name became common among early Christians, being borne by a number of other early saints and six popes. In England it was relatively rare during the Middle Ages, but became more frequent beginning in the 17th century. A notable bearer was the American Revolutionary War figure Paul Revere (1735-1818), who warned of the advance of the British army. Famous bearers in the art world include the French impressionists Paul Cezanne (1839-1906) and Paul Gauguin (1848-1903), and the Swiss expressionist Paul Klee (1879-1940). This is also the name of the legendary American lumberjack Paul Bunyan.
Either a short form of ANASTASIA, or else from a surname which was derived from Stace, a medieval form of EUSTACE. As a feminine name, it came into general use during the 1950s, though it had earlier been in use as a rare masculine name.
Form of Hadrianus (see HADRIAN). Several saints and six popes have borne this name, including the only English pope, Adrian IV, and the only Dutch pope, Adrian VI. As an English name, it has been in use since the Middle Ages, though it was not popular until modern times.
From the Greek name Ανδρεας (Andreas), which was derived from ανηρ (aner) "man" (genitive ανδρος (andros) "of a man"). In the New Testament the apostle Andrew, the first disciple to join Jesus, was the brother of Simon Peter. According to tradition, he later preached in the Black Sea region, with some legends saying he was crucified on an X-shaped cross. Andrew, being a Greek name, was probably only a nickname or a translation of his real Hebrew name, which is not known.
This name has been common (in various spellings) throughout the Christian world, and it became very popular in the Middle Ages. Saint Andrew is regarded as the patron of Scotland, Russia, Greece and Romania. The name has been borne by three kings of Hungary, American president Andrew Jackson (1767-1845), and, more recently, English composer Andrew Lloyd Webber (1948-).
2 out of 2 people found the following comment useful :- The Movie Not Married, 3 November 2007 Author: tedg (tedg@FilmsFolded.com) from Virginia Beach
I think the memory of this is better than the movie itself.
I recently saw the sequel. It was one of the most delicate and perfect things I know so far as that shell of romance which is outside of intimacy. That was because — I think — of the actors and and the lines they contributed. It makes the timing natural. It doesn't take geniuses for this because the two characters are acting and playing natural acting is easier than playing natural life.
But a huge part of what made that work was the memory of this. So I went back and watched it. Its nice, I suppose, but far, far worse than "Before Sunset." It seems just like all the other Linklater movies: thin, effete, words with no edge. Corners with no walls.
Delpy is radiant, of course, having just been through the school of Kieslowski.
I think you'll just have to sit through this, probing it, looking for something that sticks and not finding it. You'll have to do this so that you can remember it sweetly. The memory matters, at least it did for me. I guess I was remembering the movie I wish it were, about the perfection never achieved.
Ted's Evaluation -- 2 of 3: Has some interesting elements.
It’s not easy to have a great relationship with your boy/girlfriend, partner, or spouse. But it’s not impossible, either — it takes some work, of course, but it’s work, work that’s a joy when everything comes together.
A lot of times, though, the work isn’t enough. We get in our own way with ideas and attitudes about relationships that are not only wrong, but often work to undermine our relationships no matter how hard we work at it.
I’ve watched a lot of breakups (some of them my own). I’ve seen dramatic flare-ups and drawn-out slow fades, and I’ve tried to pay attention to what seems to be going on. Here are a few of the things I’ve seen that cause people to destroy their own relationships.
1. You’re playing to win
One of the deadliest killers of relationships is the competitive urge. I don’t mean competition in the sense that you can’t stand to lose at tennis, I mean the attitude that the relationship itself is a kind of game that you’re tying to win. People in competitive relationships are always looking for an advantage, the upper hand, some edge they can hold over their partner’s head. If you feel that there are things you can’t tell your partner because she or he will use it against you, you’re in a competitive relationship — but not for long.
2. You don’t trust
There are two aspects of trust that are important in relationships. One is trusting your partner enough to know that s/he won’t cheat on you or otherwise hurt you — and to know that he or she trusts you that way, too. The other is trusting them enough to know they won’t leave you or stop loving you no matter what you do or say. The second that level of trust is gone, whether because one of you takes advantage of that trust and does something horrible or because one of you thinks the other has, the relationship is over — even if it takes 10 more years for you to break up.
3. You don’t talk
Too many people hold their tongues about things that bother or upset them in their relationship, either because they don’t want to hurt their partner, or because they’re trying to win. (See #1 above; example: “If you don’t know why I’m mad, I’m certainly not going to tell you!”) While this might make things easier in the short term, in the long run it gradually erodes the foundation of the relationship away. Little issues grow into bigger and bigger problems — problems that don’t get fixed because your partner is blissfully unaware, or worse, is totally aware of them but thinks they don’t really bother you. Ultimately, keeping quiet reflects a lack of trust — and, as I said that’s the death of a relationship.
4. You don’t listen
Listening — really listening — is hard. It’s normal to want to defend ourselves when we hear something that seems like criticism, so instead of really hearing someone out, we interrupt to explain or excuse ourselves, or we turn inward to prepare our defense. But your partner deserves your active listening. S/he even deserves you to hear the between-the-lines content of daily chit-chat, to suss out his/her dreams and desires when even s/he doesn’t even know exactly what they are. If you can’t listen that way, at least to the person you love, there’s a problem.
5. You spend like a single person
This was a hard lesson for me to learn — until it broke up a 7-year relationship. When you’re single, you can buy whatever you want, whenever you want, with little regard for the future. It’s not necessarily wise, but you’re the only one who has to pay the consequences. When you are with someone in a long-term relationship, that is no longer a possibility. Your partner — and your children, if there are or will be any — will have to bear the brunt of your spending, so you’d better get in the habit of taking care of household necessities first and then, if there’s anything left over, of discussing with your partner the best way to use it.
This is an increasing problem these days, because more and more people are opting to keep their finances separate, even when they’re married. There’s nothing wrong with that kind of arrangement in and of itself, but it demands more communication and involvement between the partners, not less. If you’re spending money as if it was your money and nobody else has a right to tell you what to do with it, your relationship is doomed.
6. You’re afraid of breaking up
Nobody in a truly happy partnership is afraid of breaking up. If you are, that’s a big warning sign that something’s wrong. But often, what’s wrong is the fear itself. Not only does it betray a lack of trust, but it shows a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem — you’re afraid that there’s no good reason for someone to want to be with you, and that sooner or later your partner will “wise up” and take off. So you pour more energy into keeping up the appearance of a happy relationships than you do into building yourself up as a person. Quite frankly, this isn’t going to be very satisfying for you, and it also isn’t going to be very satisfying for your partner.
7. You’re dependent
There’s a thin line between companionship and support and dependency. If you depend on your partner — that is, if you absolutely cannot live without her or him — you’ve crossed that line. The pressure is now on your partner to fill whatever’s missing in you — a pressure s/he will learn to resent. If you expect your partner to bring everything while you bring nothing to your relationship — and I’m talking finances as well as emotional support, here — you’re in trouble. (Note: I’m not saying that you need to contribute equally to household finances — what I’m saying is that if you’re not contributing to the household budget, and you’re not contributing anywhere else, things are out of whack and that’s never good.)
8. You expect Happiness
A sign of a bad relationship is that one or both partners expect either to make the other happy or for their partner to make them happy. This is not only an unrealistic expectation to lay on yourself or on them — nobody can “make” you happy, except you — but it’s an unrealistic expectation to lay on your relationship. Relationships aren’t only about being happy, and there’s lots of times when you won’t and even shouldn’t be. Being able to rely on someone even when you’re upset, miserable, depressed, or grieving is a lot more important than being happy all the time. If you expect your partner to make you happy — or worse, you’re frustrated because you aren’t able to make your partner happy — your relationship isn’t going to fare well when it hits a rough spot.
9. You never fight
A good argument is essential, every now and then. In part, arguing helps bring out the little stuff before it becomes major, but also, fighting expresses anger which is a perfectly normal part of a human’s emotional make-up. Your relationship has to be strong enough to hold all of who you are, not just the sunny stuff.
One reason couples don’t fight is that they fear conflict — which reflects a lack of trust and a foundation of fear. That’s bad. Another reason couples avoid arguments is that they’ve learned that anger is unreasonable and unproductive. They’ve learned that arguing represents a breakdown rather than a natural part of a relationship’s development. While an argument isn’t pleasant, it can help both partners to articulate issues they may not have even known they had — and help keep them from simmering until you cross a line you can’t come back from.
10. You expect it to be easy/you expect it to be hard
There are two deeply problematic attitudes about relationships I hear often. One is that a relationship should be easy, that if you really love each other and are meant to be together, it will work itself out. The other is that anything worth having is going to be hard — and that therefore if it’s hard, it must be worth having.
The outcome of both views is that you don’t work at your relationship. You don’t work because it’s supposed to be easy and therefore not need any work, or you don’t work because it’s supposed to be hard and it wouldn’t be hard if you worked at it. In both cases, you quickly get burnt out — either because the problems you’re ignoring really don’t go away just because you think they should. or because the problems you’re cultivating are a constant drag on your energy. A relationship that’s too much work might be suffering from one of the attitudes above, but a relationship that doesn’t seem to need any work isn’t any better.
Your choices
There isn’t any one answer to any of the problems above. There are choices though: you can either seek out an answer, something that addresses why you are hurting your relationship, or you can resign yourself to the failure of your relationship (and maybe the next one, and the next one, and…). Failure doesn’t always mean you break up — many people aren’t that lucky. But people can live quite unhappily in failed relationships for years and even decades because they’re afraid they won’t find anything better, or worse, they’re afraid they deserve it. Don’t you be one of them — if you suffer from any of these problems, figure out how to fix it, whether that means therapy, a solo mountain retreat, or just talking to your partner and committing yourselves to change.
欧洲调查：德国人最悲观 Germany the 'most miserable nation in the European Union'
[ 2008-07-07 09:29 ]
A picture of Germany. Germans are the gloomiest people in Europe according to a major new study of the 27 nations in the European Union.
Germans are the gloomiest people in Europe according to a major new study of the 27 nations in the European Union.
The report, released by the European Commission, confirms what many Germans had themselves long suspected – they are masters of moaning.
Asked if life would be better in 20 years time, just 20 per cent of Germans could bring themselves to agree. In happy-go-lucky Estonia, which topped the chart, 78 per cent of people look at the future through rose-tinted spectacles.
"Estonian citizens were the most optimistic," noted the report, which polled 25,000 people across the EU. "The Germans, on the other hand, were the least optimistic – only one in five expected that life in Germany would improve in the long-term."
Britons were revealed as a touch more sceptical about future prospects than the average European, 49 per cent of whom think life will be worse in 20 years.
The study focused on "quality of life" issues such as schooling and job prospects, age of retirement and whether people would be able to afford medical costs or even a reasonable place to live.
It found that while new members of the EU, mostly from central and eastern Europe, were mostly of the view that life would get better and better, established members of the EU were almost all miserable.
Of pre-2004 EU members only the Irish and the Swedes managed to look on the bright side of life.
In fact, length of EU membership appears strongly related to a gloomy outlook. The six founder members of the EU occupy four of the five bottom spots on the future happiness chart, according the poll.
While Germans are the most mired in despair, they are closely followed by the Belgians, the Luxembourgers and the French.
0 rating 
生活中，像这样的事实比比皆是：相爱的夫妻难以到头，不爱的伴侣却往往白头偕老。这就给了我们一点启示：要像不爱那样相爱，相处。
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